【7つの習慣】⑤相手を理解するための2つの具体的な方法

あなたは誰かとコミュニケーションをとるときに話す方と聞く方ではどちらを重視しているでしょうか?

ぼくは自分では話すのが上手ではないと認識していたので聞き上手だと思っていましたが聞くことにおいても大事なポイントを押さえられていなかったので残念ながらどちらも下手ということでした。

この記事では相手を理解するために、なぜ話を聞くことが重要なのかと、話を聞く2つのテクニックを書いていきます。

なぜ話すよりも聞く方が重要なのか


ちゃんと相手の話を聞くということは相手のことを理解することにつながります。
つまり自分がコントロールできる影響の輪の中のことになります。

もう一方で自分の話をすることは相手に自分を理解してもらえるかどうかは相手の聞き方次第となります。つまり自分ではコントロールできない関心の輪のことになります。

自分が影響できるところ(影響の輪の中)からしか物事は良い方向に進まないので、話すことよりも、まずは聞くこと(相手を理解すること、信用を得ること)の方が重要になります。

この習慣を身につけることで目指すゴールは、関わる相手のことを深く理解して信用を得ることによって人生や仕事における目標を達成するための助けを得ることです。

このあと紹介する2つのテクニックを使ってコミュニケーションを円滑にし、どんどん自分の影響の輪を広げていきましょう。

テクニック① ミラーリング

まずは会話しはじめるときに気を付けることで
・身体の中心線を相手にあわせる
・足の位置を相手にあわせる
です。この2つはいつも忘れずに意識していれば簡単ですね、すぐに実践しましょう!

それから会話するときに相手をよく観察する癖をつけます。
・相手の頷きに合わせて、自分も頷く
・呼吸を読んで合わせる
この2つは訓練が必要なので、自然に身につくまでは意識してやってみるようにしましょう。

最後にもっとも難しいのが
・相手の話したことを自分の言葉に置き換えて繰り返すこと。
おうむ返しではなく、ちゃんと自分の言葉で確認するように相手に返します。

このミラーリングのテクニックを使うことで、相手との距離を縮めてより信頼を得ることができるようになります。まずは身近にいる一人をターゲットにしてやってみましょう。

テクニック② カタルシス効果を理解する

カタルシス効果(cathartic effect) とは心の内にあるさまざまな不安やイライラ、苦悩や怒り等の感情を言葉にして表現すると、その苦痛が解消されて安心感を得ることができるというものです。

話をすれば不安はほとんどなくなってしまう、ということです。
そこでまだ十分な信頼を得られていない相手の話を聞くときは、その人の置かれている状況や声のトーン、話し方から感情を理解することだけに集中します。

その時に、とくに何をしてはいけないかというと・・
・相手が話したことに対するアドバイス
・相手が話したことに対して相手を否定する
ということです。

相手の信頼を十分に得られていない状態でアドバイスや否定をしても、嫌悪感しか生まれず、まず素直に受け入れられることはないからです。

この否定やアドバイスは仕事の環境(部下が上司に話す)でとくによく見られますが
まずは信頼を得るために理解に徹することです。
これも身近な一人をターゲットに実践するところから始めましょう。

最初はついつい話をさえぎって意見を言ってしまったり、求められてもいないアドバイスをしてしまうことがありますが、まず理解することに集中できたときは相手との距離が縮まったことを実感できるはずです。

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